Carrots and Kids

Change

I am going to be predictably boring and lament the fact that it's now July. JULY! The speed that time whizzes by never ceases to amaze me.

Of course, I had to check the calendar (word of the day one - today's word? Wormhole) because looking outside you wouldn't know it was midsummer. It feels like we had a very short spring and then have fast forwarded to autumn.

I have managed to waste a whole morning doing not very much when in fact I should be doing Lots of Important Things. So it goes. There is much physical stuff to sort out here as we emptied our entire loft at the weekend in preparation for building work.

Yes, that sentence does strike fear in my heart. Being surrounded by boxes upon boxes (containing things pertaining to camping, Christmas and memories) has had a bit of an unsettling effect on me.

I don't work well amid chaos. Some order is essential for sanity. Plus, rifling through lots of old things (who knew me and Hubby had exchanged SO MANY love letters) is a bit like waving your hand into a crystal clear rock pool. There are some gems to be had but mostly you can't see clearly because everything's been muddied.

There is a lot of detris floating around, mostly centering around lost opportunities and people. I'm sure things will settle down soon. I just never imagined getting rid of stuff would really have such an effect.

It's funny, I've been thinking, how life changing events seem quite innocuous at the time but it's only on looking back that you realise their impact on your life, of roads taken as a result of that small event.

And so it happened with me back in March. Around the time, I think, that I stopped blogging here and generally fell out of love with the whole shebang.

Now here I am plotting the next five or six years of my life, something that is so alien to me. I am hoping my future will include university. Which one and doing what has still to be decided but it's exciting and scary in equal measure.

{Beauty in My Kitchen}

One thing you won't glean just from reading this blog is how very clumsy I am. Personally, I don't think I'm any clumsier than the next person but Hubby tells me differently, raising his eyes as I stumble, fall, trip, drop, burn and cut my way around the kitchen.

And as he's known me for 26 years I guess I'll have to take his word for it.

So it's no surprise to learn that I broke one of my favourite mugs. Blast! I was really disappointed. It was a pretty one which was annoying as it's never the children's Top Gear/High School Musical ugly mugs that cop it. Actually, I don't use them much so that's probably why...

After gluing it back together I decided to plant a hyacinth bulb in it. Well, what else can you do? It now sits on my kitchen windowsill, not quite ready to flower but nearly.

There are others in flower. I know some people are a bit sniffy about hyacinths but I'm so out of the loop I don't really know what's fashionable in the real world let alone the gardening one.

And so as to ensure that I don't end up drinking from a motely collection of horrid mugs (yes, I am that fussy) I treated myself to a replacement, a £5 Cath Kidston one. I figured it would look lovely this time next year with some paper white growing out of it...

 

{Cosy}

I have literally blown the cobwebs off my laptop and dusted it down to get on with writing a blog post. I realise that what I have been up to is of very little consequence but here's the thing - I have missed the creativity afforded to me by this space.

Life has been trundling on in its usual fashion with a lot of Christmas shopping (all done, even the online food order - phew), plus trips to the doctors for one of the younger members of the Carrots house, a fair bit of worry, inset days and the strike and, well, life has been full.

Full and productive which is always good, leaving no room really for blogging or Twitter. But I have felt something has been amiss. And that was the lack of writing, being creative. Because while bread making is satisfying it is, for me at the moment making my basic white, not really creative.

I guess that's a lie because I have been slightly creative making some Christmas presents. I haven't yet got into the groove of making lots. I need to start in the summer for that.

But these four presents are small enough to cost pennies and to be quick enough to make, even for me. I admire those that go the whole Handmade Holiday route but really, I can't see my teens being totally overjoyed at any homemade offering from me.

So Christmas shopping it has been. It wasn't too bad as it entailed a (very) rare day with Hubby on our own, copious cups of coffee, lunch out and the satisfaction that it is All Done.

That just leaves the wrapping which I hope to crack on with tomorrow and Friday. Proper decorating will start later in the month but I have put up this rather lovely cardboard star which is lit from inside and brightens up these gloomy days. December is shaping up well for some cosy, Christmas fun. Can't wait.

{What I've Been Up To}

Wouldn't you know it, no sooner had I posted my Big List of Autumnal School Gardening Ideas - most of which required a certain element of dryness - then it bucketed down. For most of half-term.

But despite the abysmal weather it has been a lovely break. There has been the usual puddle jumping, dog walking, revising, fairy cake making, friends seeing, coffee shop visiting fun. Just not a lot of gardening.

There also hasn't been any blogging. As usual. I don't know how parents manage to blog while their children are around. I find it difficult to string a coherent sentence together most times let along write one.

What I have managed to do is record our days in a slightly new way. Yes, welcome to the 21st century Deb and the wonder that is the iPhone. Part of me hates that I succumbed (really, do I need this beauty? Undoubtedly not) but the camera on it is fab.

I haven't taken my DSLR out at all. It's been quite liberating. Above are some of my photos. I don't know how to make them big here but I have been doing what I call Minimalistic Blogging at Tumblr. That blog is called Birdoosh: The Blog of Delightful Suggestions.

I realise I've just said I didn't have time to blog but this is Blogging On the Run. I have it set up so that I can take a pic and post it to Tumblr with a short caption very quickly. It's great. Although I haven't tried to do this with the children around now I think of it.

I've also linked up today to a blog called A Delightful Home which has a weekly post where people can share green resources and ideas.

And I haven't even told you about all the de-cluttering/rearranging that's been going on here. Piano moving, bookshelves re-homing, books sorting kind of rearranging. About a month after my horrid bout of tonsillitis I am finally feeling back to normal. And it feels good.

{The Lost Art of Homemaking}

I love homemaking. I love the very word of it even. I must admit this is a very new feeling for me. It's only taken 20-odd years. Perhaps it's just (another) sign of my advancing years.

But despite all that I have to say I am not good at it. Oh no. I am sure there would be some family members, if they ever read this, who would be double checking ownership of this blog. And then howling with laughter. For at least 20 minutes.

And that's why it's an art that has, up until now, been totally lost to me. I now find myself having to learn new things. Like organisation. And routines. And so much more. It's not easy let me tell you.

I don't even know how to explain my new found passion to people. I've discovered that recently the subject of work has been brought up by friends. Most of them seem to need reassurance that I'm just "taking a break".

While I don't want to be pedantic, this is work. Mine. Not all work is paid. Or needs validation from outsiders even. And yes, I don't want to be one of those women who falls apart when confronted with an empty nest. But with Hubby by my side, a love of my own company and a ferocious curiosity about nearly everything, I don't see that happening.

There are some immoveable facts too: raising a large family is more work than raising two children. I've found it requires heaps more organisation not to mention laundry powder.

When I was a child, from about the age of seven, there was no-one home when I got in from school. I didn't have my own key, I would just put my hand in the letter box and pull out the key tied to a piece of string. I know. Fridays were my best days because there would always be a copy of Debbie comic waiting for me alongside a mousse and a spoon.

I'm not sure it was an every day occurance and maybe sometimes my dad was home from work. My mother was always at work. But I can't really remember it being any different. That is my overriding memory.

And when I had my own family I was certain that wouldn't be my children's memory. An empty house. It wasn't something I had to debate or even think about. I just knew.

When I was juggling lots of children, with home education thrown in, new babies and just trying to get through the day I would look with wonder and disbelief at the stay-at-home mothers whose children were at school.

What did they do, I wondered somewhat enviously.

Now I am one of those and I'm starting to feel there are not enough hours in the day. There is so much to do in the house, so much to declutter and organise and yes, clean that I actually feel a tad overwhelmed.

I am currently apprenticing in financial management, greening my kitchen, bread making, healthy family eating, immunity boosting, using a sewing machine, making Christmas presents, creating a winter veg patch, making my own lotions, potions and soaps, decluttering, space clearing, household routines, creating a household log as well as becoming more thrifty and self-reliant.

Not all at once though.

I have no idea how this will pan out. If I'll get bored. Or if necessity will see me scouring the Vacancies page. But for now this is my reality and I am so happy.

{Reclaiming}

I'm not sure I can string a coherent post together. Exhaustion, online fatigue (I really, really must take a break from reading blogs and Twitter) and thoughts that flit out of my brain just as quickly as they flit in means I'm finding this tricky.

Oh I have lots to say, but I'm not entirely sure they're not all variations of the same thing. Plus, every time I write a post I get at least one person unsubscribe (I get very helpful emails informing me). Which is fine, I'd just rather not know about it. I don't know how many subcribers I've got (probably around two now?) but it's a bit...off-putting.

If I write about gardening people leave and if I write about something else people leave. So what I'm trying to say is - I'm reclaiming my blog. It's all for me. If you like it enough to comment or link to me that's lovely but if you dislike it enough to unsub, well...*shrugs*.

I'm not going to write about the riots. We know it's so awfully shocking and heartbreaking. I've tried not to watch any news with little people about but have talked about it with my teens. I've also listened to some interesting debates on Radio 4 and it's given me, in my little sheltered world, much to think about.

As I type this in my dressing gown it's pitch black outside but I can still hear the combines harvesting. That's quite comforting. I know I've been terribly guilty about taking where we live for granted but it's something I deeply appreciate now. Silly me.

So here's a list of things I'm thinking about that may (wahey!) make it into a blog post or two one day:

1. My plans for September: they are mounting up
2. A new blog? Can I be arsed? Should I just change the focus of this one? There's so much else I want to say, other than about gardening
3. My new "cafe area" in the garden, no less
4. Self-reliance
5. My role as a full-time mum
6. My would-be potting shed
7. Our back garden
8. Choices we've made
9. The blogs I love (am thinking of writing some blogging love letters via email)
10. The summer holidays.

Oooh, my brain feels like it's just been decluttered.

My New Sunday Morning Routine

A pot of freshly brewed coffee on the Aga, Radio Four Extra filling the kitchen, the back door open, bare feet with legs clad in comfy old jeans, a red spotty pinny on and my first forays into proper bread-making.

That's my new-to-me early Sunday morning routine.

I've decided it's time to create a calm, magical Sunday morning routine in amongst the chaos and hurly burly of weekend life in a large family. I found that increasingly weekends equalled work of one kind or another. I was tired and grumpy.

It's a problem, I think, unique to me. Read blogs and everyone else's weekend consists of interesting trips, coffee shop visits, farmer's market browsing and general contentedness. Maybe it's the shock of having everyone at home (the mess!) after a week of being largely on my own.

I used to go up the allotment really early on Sunday mornings but this year have found my energy levels are so low that I haven't managed to do this so much.

A leisurely shower, the radio alternating between a podcast (I'm loving the Dessert Island Discs archives) and a play plus bread-making. What, I figured, could be nicer.

And it was. I'm happiest when I'm doing and much of that doing seems to involve filling small tummies (and not so small ones too).

I'm not entirely sure the bread was a huge success. It didn't seem to be as elastic as the recipe insisted it would (but I did use half and half flour so maybe that's why?), I probably left it to rest for too long and it didn't rise terribly well.

But I reckon that's OK. I've got plenty of Sunday mornings to perfect it.

Simple Life Projects

Just lately I've been streamlining my life. Simplifying it. Not for any particular reason but I just feel compelled to, which is slightly odd but I'm going with it.

This simplifying has taken on many forms, but it all boils down to the same thing: shedding. So I've shed excess weight (34.5lbs so far!), possessions and commitments.

The latter includes things that are coming to a natural end (like the gardening club) and endings that I've initiated. I've discovered that I don't want to spend vast tracts of my life and time online (you may have noticed...).

This freeing up of my time and space means that I can concentrate on getting to grips with a few projects such as:

• Planning and eventually transforming one of my raised veggie beds at home into a herb bed. I've never had one this big before so the possibilities are quite exciting
• Creating and making my own potions and lotions using the herbs
• Major decluttering and organising in the home (this sounds boring but it'll be transformative, I tell ya)
• Learning to make my own clothes. Sewing machines frustrate me no end but I'm determined not to be beaten!
• Baking bread - regularly
• Becoming more proficient at knitting. I'm still ploughing on with my little project and will update soon
• Learn to crochet
• Photographing with vintage cameras and film.

Of course, life will still have it's stressful moments and days (she says wearily) but I'm hoping my responses will be different. I'm hoping that my "work" will give me solace and some grounding instead of the little things, like taking photos, being blotted out by the dark clouds of anxiety.

I'm always on the look out for future project ideas - do you have any you're planning or doing right now?

Plunging In

Dearie me. I seem to have lost the art of blogging. Not for any particular reason but real life has been so busy and compelling and the potency of the Internet's spell over me seems to have lessened, quite considerably.

There just seems to be so much to do. So much living. And being. And creating. These last few days, when I've tried to post here, my words seem sort of stuck. Not through lack of practice or because I don't want to blog but rather because I have so much to say that it's a job to know what to say first.

Oh, I have no big announcement to make. I am not writing a book/growing a baby/doing something amazing. But I am changing things around here, simplifying and generally being more present.

Part of the new hestiancy of writing here is me thinking what will people think? What will they think when I say I've decided to take a step back from work, it's hardly like I was running a multi-national company.

But this is not the space to justify this or that. Time is short, there are lives to be lived. So let's just say that I'm focusing more on family, home and hearth (oh and the garden).

Things may change on the blog too, as it's a reflection of my life. And while I want to still write about gardening I'm going to encompass other things too. I know that if it's not to everyone or indeed anyone's tastes there will be other blogs out there that will be.

And because I don't know where to begin blogging again, I'm going to just plunge in right here, right now. If I don't who knows when I might get around to it.

I know I don't have to write here. But I want to. Not for any other reason than because I like to. So I'm going to be more random, with less eye on oh-my-goodness-what-will-real-life-people-think. I'm plunging back into my little creative corner.

I'm Home

Whenever I hear the word "nesting" it always conjures up the image of a heavily pregnant woman scrubbing her skirting boards. I'm not pregnant, nor am I scrubbing my skirting boards but I am nesting.

That's the only word for it. All I want to do is stay home and Sort Out My House. Birthdays, baking, birthday present shopping are all getting in the way. And so is gardening, a bit.

However, I haven't totally shifted my focus as whenever I'm in the vicinity of houseplants for sale (which, with a current project entitled Redecorating The Hall, is often these days) I can't resist a small purchase. I would buy seeds and try to grow my own but I don't even know if that's possible, such is my vast knowledge, so for now pot plant buying it is.

So far I am pleased to report that the total number of casualties I have killed to date is one. That was an orchid, which we all know are notoriously fickle and hard to keep alive so perhaps doesn't count.

Today I bought an African violet and something else. I sound vague because I don't know what it is but I liked the look of it.

Plants, I am coming to realise, make a place look like home. Together with pictures and a bit of a tidy up. Goodness, I can hardly believe I'm writing this but I do feel kind of...obsessed with it all. To the point that I might start a blog about homemaking (note to new bloggers, keep the title of your blog suitably vague in case you want to write about something else).

I know, I know, I can see some of you rolling your eyes now. Homemaking? Hardly interesting. My younger self is standing behind me rolling her eyes too.